Are You Protecting Yourself Too Much?

We say we want connection, but we design our behaviour to avoid it.

Over the last 10 years, I’ve noticed a shift in how we interact in public.

Yes, smartphones, headphones, and endless scrolling deserve some blame.

But if I’m honest…we’re choosing it too.

Think about the last time you were on a train, waiting in line, sitting in a café, standing at a bar, waiting for your floor in an elevator…

What did you do the moment there was a pause?
Did you look around?
Or did you immediately reach for your phone?

(And trust me, I’m not judging. I’m often walking around with headphones in because music feels like the soundtrack to my life. But I put in constant effort to NOT go on my phone when there is a pause. I’m trying to catch myself)

And it’s because I’m worrying:
Is all of this making us less open to connection?

How do you meet someone if you appear completely closed off when you’re out and about?

This applies to friendships too. Connection doesn’t happen when we’re hidden behind a screen.

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The Social Rule That Changed

Something else interesting has happened.

At least in big cities like Toronto, striking up a conversation with a stranger has somehow become… strange.

Talk to someone in line and people sometimes look at you like you’ve grown a third eye. But it wasn’t always like this.

My mom is the queen of chatting with strangers.

She’ll happily strike up conversations on trains, in theatres at intermission, or while waiting in line somewhere. She loves it.

And I grew up watching her do it.

But living in a large city, I’ve noticed that skill slipping a bit for me too.

So I started asking myself why.

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The Real Barrier: Fear of Judgment

If you’re someone with a busy mind like mine, the thoughts come quickly:

What if they give me a strange look and walk away?
What if they think I’m weird?
What if I’m not funny?
What if I forget what I’m saying halfway through? (Why does this happen so often?)
What if I compliment them and they take it the wrong way?

There are so many unknowns.

Approaching someone carries social risk. And we’re wired to avoid anything that might threaten our self-image or pride.

But here’s the tradeoff:

The same behaviours that protect us from rejection can also block the connection we want.

We’ve built a kind of social armour that isolates. Phones. Headphones. Busy body language.

All signals that say: Don’t interrupt me.

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4 Simple Ways to Start a Conversation

If you want to open the door to connection again, here are a few simple ways to begin.

1. Start with a smile

It sounds obvious, but many people walk around with neutral or closed expressions.
A smile signals warmth and approachability before you say a word.

2. Look for an “I like that too” moment
Shared observations are great conversation starters.

Examples:
“That’s a great shade of blue.” (a fabric they’re wearing)
“This café is amazing for people watching.”
“That line moved faster than I expected! Do you have a favourite item?”

Common ground creates instant ease.

3. Share something small about yourself
This makes the interaction feel safe and human.

For example, I once told someone,
“I often get FOMO when I eat out so I’m always curious what other people’s favs are”

That tiny insight opened the door to a deeper conversation.

4. Ask a great question
One of my favourites (thank you to Vanessa Van Edwards), “What’s been the best part of your day?”

It immediately puts people in a positive mindset and they often light up when answering.

5. Get curious
When someone shares something, follow up. Ask another question.
Connection grows through curiosity.

Whenever I talk with strangers, even if it’s only for two minutes, I leave feeling more connected to the world.

We don’t have to become best friends. But for a moment, two humans acknowledge each other. And sometimes that’s enough.

All it takes is putting down the social armour.

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This Week’s Dare
I bet you saw this coming.

Start at least two conversations with strangers this week. More if the opportunity appears!
Look for moments when you’re:

• in line

• at a café

• commuting

• waiting somewhere

Or intentionally put yourself in a place where conversation might happen.

You might be surprised how it makes you feel afterward.

After all, humans evolved as social creatures. We’re wired for belonging. And sometimes connection is just one brave “hello” away.

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💌 If this resonated, forward it to someone who will enjoy it too.

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Resource: Brene Brown has a book Daring Greatly that I loved. So many great ideas in it. One part that really ties in well is when she talks about how it’s okay to have fear, everyone has fear but when we armour up, it closes us off to connection, authenticity and love. Highly suggest!

Also, check out my video on how to Never Have a Boring Conversation Again: