It’s Okay To Change Your Mind
Changing your mind isn’t a weakness. It's evidence that you are still learning.
Some conversations feel harder to have now.
People are worried about saying the wrong things, being misunderstood, having their words misconstrued, or being judged before they can explain what they mean (This is honestly a reason why I talk fast).
But the world gets smaller and smaller when we only talk to people who already agree with us.
And we don’t just need to be exposed to more opinions, we need more people to know how, and be willing, to stay curious when their opinions are challenged.
That doesn’t mean forcing agreement. It doesn’t mean tolerating harmful or hurtful behaviour. And it doesn’t mean pretending every opinion is equally informed.
But it does mean building the skill of staying curious when someone says something that makes your brain go, “Wait… what the heck?!”
I was recently talking to someone who sees a few things in the world differently than I do. At first, I felt that familiar internal alarm bell. GASP. “They think what?!”
But I took a breath and decided to get curious instead. I asked questions. He asked questions. I listened. He listened. We were both willing to consider information the other may not have heard before.
And it reminded me that the real green flag is not always agreeing with someone. Sometimes, it is being able to stay open when you don’t.
Don’t assume, get curious.
Changing your mind isn’t weakness, it’s evidence that you are still learning. And open to learning, which is so important!
3 Tips for Conversations That Challenge You
Because discomfort doesn’t have to end the dialogue.
1. Ask before you argue
Instead of jumping into debate mode, try asking:
What led you to see it that way?
Where did you first learn that?
Where did you read that?
What experiences shaped that belief?
What led you to feel that way?
You might still disagree, but at least now you are responding to the person, not just your assumption of them. You’re finding out more.
2. Notice your internal alarm bell
Sometimes someone says something and your whole body reacts before your brain has had time to catch up.
This is sometimes called an amygdala hijack, when your emotional brain triggers a reaction before your rational brain has a chance to process what is happening.
That doesn’t automatically mean they’re wrong or right. It just means something in you activated.
Pause. Breathe. Get curious about your own reaction before you respond. I’m always shocked how different my response is when I do that.
3. Leave room for new information
A long-held belief isn’t automatically a true belief.
Sometimes we keep opinions because they are familiar, not because we’ve recently questioned them. We’ve just felt this or thought this for a long time. Like putting on your favourite sweater.
It is okay to ask:
Is this still true?
Do I know enough about this?
What might I be missing?
Changing your mind isn’t inconsistency. Sometimes, it’s actually integrity.
This Week’s Dare
This week, have one conversation where your only goal is to understand, not convince.Ask one more question than you normally would.
Pause before responding.
And if someone says something that challenges you, try asking yourself “What might I not know yet?”
Resource: I went down a rabbit hole with this. Look up the idea of “intellectual humility.”
It is the practice of recognising that what you know may be limited, incomplete, or shaped by your own experiences. It’s not that you abandon your values, you’re just staying open enough to learn.
If you want to go down the same rabbit hole I did, Templeton.org has this article that talks more about this idea and a video on the “The Joy of Being Wrong.”
I also really liked these ideas and definitions:
Embracing Fallibility: Accepting that nobody has complete knowledge and that gaps in information are natural.
Low Defensiveness: The ability to accept feedback, correct mistakes, and change your mind when presented with strong counter-evidence.
Epistemic Curiosity: A genuine desire to learn why others disagree with you, rather than just dismissing their opinions.
Food for thought.
💌 If you have a friend who could use some help working on this skill, Id love you to send this to them!